Communication
When you are approaching marriage, you should talk over and have a good understanding together regarding every area of home and family management. Talk over and reach understandings on your separate attitudes toward the intimacies of marriage. When it reaches that point, don’t be afraid or hesitant to talk those things over frankly, openly, and see how your separate attitudes correspond in that area. It is very important to settle on the adjustments to be made where you do not agree, as your success in much else in the future will depend on full agreement or adjustment in that area.
Talk over your likes and dislikes to see what you have in common and if they are enough to make a good bond between you, make your lives agreeable, and a blessing to each other.
Talk over the matter of finance, money management, what can be expected in this area, and who is to manage the money, etc. You may say, “Oh, there is no question there; the man is the head of the house and he will manage the money!” This may be true in general, but there are some cases, and I know some, where the woman is a better money manager than the man is. If he recognizes that quality in her and delegates that responsibility to her, in some cases and perhaps many, it will work out to the advantage of the entire family. I am conscious that the Bible says that a woman shall not “usurp authority over the man.” (1 Timothy 2:12) The usurped authority is when one takes authority that is not theirs, but rightfully belongs to another without the consent of the party to whom the authority belongs. In the matter I am discussing now, this would be delegated authority, and therefore not usurped.
Talk over the matter of children and whether you want several or few, the attitude of each party regarding the management, discipline, etc., of the children. If you happen to be one who does not want children and does not want to settle down to the responsibilities of a home and family, you had better stay single.
I knew a man who entered into marriage with a woman who wanted a family of several children, but he did not want children. This caused a dissatisfaction and unhappiness between them, and after two or three years of this hassel, he just walked out and dissolved the marriage, saying that he had decided he did not want to be married and have the responsibility of a wife and family. He broke that woman’s heart. I say he was a little late arriving at that conclusion. It would have been much better if this matter had been talked out and resolved between them before they entered into marriage. That marriage should never have been entered into because there was too much difference between them on such a vital issue.
If a woman does not want the responsibilities of taking care of her children, bathing the babies, feeding them, washing their diapers, and the other chores of maintaining her home in proper order, also preparing meals for her husband and family, she had better stay single. If she does not want to be subject to her husband and have a man telling her what to do, she had better leave marriage alone because the Bible is very explicit on all these points—how women should “bear children, guide the house,” (1 Timothy 5:14) “be… keepers at home,” (Titus 2:5) “be in subjection to [their] own husbands,” (1 Peter 3:1) etc., if they are married women.
Likewise, if a man does not want to settle down to the responsibilities of providing for his family (however much family God sees fit to give him), maintaining his home, correcting, training, and guiding his children, etc., he had better let marriage alone. The Bible is very explicit on these points also (1 Timothy 5:8; Ephesians 6:4). He is also to love his wife to the extent he would give himself for her (Ephesians 5:25).