The Process of Maturity
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
God has designed that we all come into life as a child. The only two human beings who ever avoided this childish existence were Adam and Eve. They were not created as children. God created them as mature adults. But for everyone else, He made it so that we all experience life as children.
This childish condition is distinguished from adulthood by a number of characteristics.
God made us so that we need governing, teaching, and training.
“Now I say, That the heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all; But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father.” (Galatians 4:1-2)
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” (Proverbs 29:15)
God has so designed it that the child has an extremely limited outlook and is more or less self-centered. This characteristic of self-centeredness is greatly increased by the nature of sin inherited from Adam.
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)
“But whereunto shall I liken this generation? It is like unto children sitting in the markets, and calling unto their fellows, And saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned unto you, and ye have not lamented.” (Matthew 11:16-17)
A child is vulnerable and unstable and needs protection.
“That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive.” (Ephesians 4:14)
In these perilous times in which we live, many children are left to fend for themselves, and they do indeed bring their mothers, fathers, and all of the rest of us to shame by their ungodly deeds. From time to time, these poor, foolish children break out in acts of spectacular savagery which warn all who will pay attention of the awful cost of ignoring the realities portrayed in the scriptures quoted above. A large portion of this problem can be traced to parents who never really matured themselves. They are still just as self-centered as the children are. A lot of the extreme problems we experience today are the result of children raising children.
We are burdened to focus on the process of maturity. What does it mean to train a child “in the way he should go”? What is a mature person, anyway? I am reminded of one man who intercepted a note from his sixteen-year-old daughter to a friend of hers. It read, “I think I’m mature. Don’t you think that you are mature?” Whereupon the father commented, “I wondered if I were mature at forty!”
What does it mean to join the ranks of the grownups? In outward, physical life, the evidences of maturity are easy to recognize. Puberty brings its changes, and the boy begins to appear as a man; the girl as a woman. They put away childish things, i.e., the toys that were their learning tools, to experiment with life, and began to take up the things of adulthood. Formal schooling is concluded. The young man earns his first pay. Wherein there is wisdom and proper understanding, the young woman takes on more responsibility for the care of children and domestic duties in some capacity. These are the more obvious changes.
There are less obvious changes taking place. As the poet said, “I slept and dreamed that life was beauty. I awoke and found that life was duty.” Idealism is replaced by necessity, and the young idealist begins to learn that life is largely about survival and coping, rather than the careful formulation and accomplishment of dreams and plans.
Most of all, there is an awakening toward God that is different than the awareness in childhood. The acceptance of responsibility brings with it a deepening sense of what it means to be a man or woman before God.
Now God has designed all of this to work in this way. And He designed it so that the change to a certain extent is involuntary, but He also designed that we should embrace and choose to grow up. That is, it is our privilege to participate voluntarily with the full consent of our will. “When I became a man, I put away childish things.” One of the characteristics of maturity is to decide to be mature—and to translate that decision into grownup deeds. To seek out and bear responsibility. To police one’s self. To enter the world of men or the world of women as one of them. To appreciate and respect the weight and privilege of being an adult human being among other adult human beings.
Now this process is remarkably uneven. The young person seems only partly a young adult; he is a boy-man or a man-boy, and she is a girl-woman or woman-girl. They are only partly baked, and this is a frustration to those who have borne the responsibility of them all of their lives and, most of all, to the young person maturing. No wonder that the adolescent years are the most unstable of life! How easy it would be if it could all be settled in one day! But it cannot. Much patience is needed. The young person must be patient with the process taking place inside. The older folks must be patient, too. Fretting will not help. No one takes on this load of responsibility and does it without mistakes. There is much room for humility, as well.
There needs to be a mutual recognition for adjustment. A significant part of the maturity process is acceptance and appreciation of the responsibility that the parents have borne so long. This is a difficult thing for the young person, not that they are ungrateful in many cases, but simply that it is hard for them to see. In fact, they don’t really see it in its true light until they have raised their own. But the aspiring young adult must begin to see, to peck out of the shell of his/her self-centeredness, so to speak. It means a great deal to say, “My parents were right to spank me and reprove me. I deserved it and needed it, and I am so glad that they did.” It is a definite step toward growing up. A young man or woman who embraces their past in this way is getting rid of some more of the foolishness that was bound up in them as a child.
But I said, “a mutual recognition.” Mom and Dad have a right to keep treating the young person as a child in any particular area until the young person begins to plainly demonstrate that he/she is not childish in that area. The unevenness of growing up produces an unevenness of oversight which is just as frustrating to Mom and Dad as to the young person. If a young person concludes that Mother and Daddy just don’t understand where I am, and then rebels against what he/she views as an unfair oversight, then the lesson of waiting on God will be missed. I am aware that parents have problems, and there are overbearing, dictatorial parents who are unfair and even abusive. I am also thankfully aware that God can handle anybody, and that one cannot go wrong by committing one’s case to God and waiting patiently for Him.
Some might say, “I can hardly wait until I am an adult and can do as I please.” To them, being grownup is defined as doing as I please. It is not like that, and the keys to respectable maturity are forged in the struggles to put away childish things.