“I Write unto You, Young Men”

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“Be thou strong therefore, and shew thyself a man.”* (1 Kings 2:2) So David spoke to his son Solomon, when he was about to take on the responsibilities of being king.

What does it mean to show yourself a man, to demonstrate manliness?

There are two aspects to this the idea of manhood. One is becoming an adult, and the other is being male.

Adulthood implies responsibility in a broad sense—part of who you are and will become has always been your own decision, but adulthood implies a more complete sense of determining your course, with its privileges and its consequences. It is time to take responsibility, not just for yourself, but for your impact on other people, for no one is an island.

Each of us, due to our temperaments and training, enter adulthood at different stages—let me give myself as an example. I was quite responsible in the use of money by the time I was “on my own,” and was more skilled than most people my age at managing it. On the other hand, I was weak in certain areas of dealing responsibly with problems, which I illustrate with the incident below.

I was working in a friend’s shop on a window box for flowers. He had been teaching me how to use his tools and helped me design the boxes. In the process of using his router, I accidentally cut the power cord in two! No, I didn’t get electrocuted, but here was this tool that now didn’t operate. I apologized shamefacedly to my friend, and he surprised me by saying, “No problem, just take it and get it repaired for me and everything will be fine.” Now to some of you, this is a “no-brainer.” But I was used to just “being sorry” when I’d damaged something of somebody else’s. Taking the responsibility to “make it right” hit me two ways. First, I was startled a little by the responsibility. Second, I found the experience very satisfactory in the end. I didn’t have to feel “kind of bad” for awhile—I could “make things right”!

Many of you may find this a very remedial sort of lesson that you learned well long before you were entering adulthood. But I want to emphasize to you that each one of you are entering adulthood missing something that will seem basic to someone else. Praise God He knows that and knows just how to teach us if we’ll let Him. Wise people, whether they be 21 or 81, recognize their limitations and God’s greatness, and reach out their hand and place it in the bigger, stronger, wiser hand of God.

Being a male is an additional aspect. To understand what manliness is requires some understanding of the peculiar strengths and weaknesses of men and women. Let us examine a couple passages of scripture that give counsel to men and women.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”* (Ephesians 5:22-33)

Notice that women are counseled to submit to their husbands, and reverence them, and that men are counseled to love their wives as they love themselves. Aren’t wives supposed to love their husbands as they love themselves? Yes, but the challenge of being in a submissive role is greater. Their difficulties lie in the fact that they have plenty of ideas how things ought to go, that they think differently than men, and that a wife gets plenty of experience suffering from their husband’s mistakes or neglect. It’s easy not to “reverence” the husband, and not a small job to submit to them, under those circumstances.

Notice that the husbands here are given a rather basic prodding here not to be self-centered. A man tends to be absorbed in his work, play, and “doing things.” If you are engaged or a newlywed, maybe you think this counsel unnecessary. You delight to show love to your wife! But a man’s focus naturally reverts to accomplishing and doing and providing, and his natural bent will be on his own world. Here then is counsel, not just for those contemplating marriage or for the married, but for all men. You are not all God designed for you to be unless you are engaging yourself in loving—take yourself in hand to consider others, how to actually benefit them.

Just prior to this passage, everyone (men included) are admonished to submit to one another. But in a particular way, God has put men in a leadership position in their families and in society as a whole. A leader must learn to consider and love others, or he will become a tyrant. The very tendency to be more naturally detached equips a man to lead soberly and impartially, if he will use that tendency in the right context.

“I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”* (1 Timothy 2:8-10)

A man gives way to wrath and doubting more easily, and a woman to the seductions of beauty and wanting to be attractive. This is not to say that women don’t ever get angry, or men don’t ever get focused on their appearance or beauty. However, men are more prone to lift up unholy hands to fight, or solve problems with force, and, being more naturally self-reliant, find it more difficult to wait and trust God to handle things, since we can’t rely on ourselves and God simultaneously. God has fighting for men to do—spiritual fighting, with “holy hands,” praying! God has beauty for women to aspire to—inner beauty, the beauty of good works. The “like manner” suggests that both men and women must turn from the natural and turn to the spiritual—each one has a battle similar in nature, of restraining their natural inclinations and seeking those things that God has for them. Young man, be a real fighter! Not a physical fighter, but a spiritual fighter! Even in the Old Covenant, when defending a physical kingdom meant physical warfare, David was an example of calling upon God, leaning on Him, and looking to Him to direct his battles. How much more now that we have inherited a kingdom “not of this world.”* (John 18:36) God designed for you to solve countless problems on your knees in humility and dependence on Him, overcoming spiritual enemies!