The Conversion of My Father

The most precious experience in my life, I believe, next to my own conversion, was the salvation of my own dear father, for whom I had prayed a year and a half. He joined the Baptist denomination when only a young man, but, not having the real witness of sins forgiven, never felt satisfied with his Christian experience, or rather his profession. A few years later, feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on in that condition, he even dropped his profession.

Eighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the United Brethren people and began to seek God. Night after night he went forward for prayer, but for lack of proper instruction, failed to find the peace he so earnestly sought.

A Discouragement

One day in this great soul-struggle, he called at the home of one of the ministers to know just how to get rid of the great load of sins he was carrying. He was completely baffled and disappointed.

The minister said, “It is like this: a man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his shoulders, and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the bottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape, it would leak out so slowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize any difference in the weight of his load, and only in the end, after it had all slipped through a little hole, would he awaken to the fact that the entire load was gone. Now, just so it is with your burden of sins. As you begin to seek God, they begin to run out, but you will not realize any change at first, and it will take sometime for you to realize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully forgiven.”

Poor father! He turned away sick at heart, for he longed for an instantaneous work to be done in his soul. Through this discouragement he gave up trying to find God and for many years continued in that unhappy, dissatisfied state of soul and mind, although he often desired to be a true Christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own peace of mind, and yearned to be able to “read his title clear to mansions in the sky.”*

In the spring of 1906 his brother and family came to make us a short visit before their departure from the homeland as missionaries to a foreign country. For some months they had been especially burdened that at least one of our relatives should be saved before they crossed the ocean to their mission field. Their pure, holy lives made a deep impression upon me, and through their earnest prayers and fastings for my poor soul, I was constrained to forsake sin and yield myself to the Lord. I was glad to embrace the privilege of being with the humble people of God who worship Him in spirit and in truth, and to become one of them. I had a feeling, however, that my father might be displeased with me for making such a decision; but when I met him a few weeks later, my soul leaped with joy, for he expressed himself as being glad that I had given my heart to God, and even made a favorable expression concerning my decision to associate with the people of the church of God.

From this time I was much encouraged and determined to do what I could to help win my father and other loved ones to the Lord. I often read to him from the Bible and explained passages of Scripture as best I could, especially those that clearly taught a life of freedom from sin. Being a schoolteacher, my work called me away from home much of the time, but the burden continued for the salvation of my father.

Efforts by Mail

A year after the Lord saved me, I went to a distant city to engage in the work of the Lord. One day I wrote a few words of exhortation to my father on the blank space of a little tract entitled “Prepare for Heaven,” and sent it with an earnest prayer that the Spirit of the Lord would apply the little message to my father’s heart. In answer to this letter, he wrote me thus: “My Dear Daughter: I would give this whole world, were it mine to give, for this great salvation which you possess and are writing about.” Then he opened his heart and frankly told me of his miserable condition and of how very hard it was for him to get right with God. He closed by asking me to pray God to send heavy conviction upon him.

It is needless to say that I became more earnest in praying and fasting for his soul. I felt much impressed to write him a helpful letter. Not only did I feel my inability to do so, but for lack of time deferred writing until I met with an accident that sprained my ankle badly, and then one day when I was unable to go about my work, I was reminded of my opportunity of writing to father. As I began writing and pouring out my heart to him, the blessings of the Lord rested upon me insomuch that it seemed I could write scarcely without effort; and as I mailed the letter, it was with an earnest prayer that the Lord would prepare my father for all that was written.

Sometime later my father told me that he received this letter one morning before breakfast, and that although the letter was very lengthy, he sat down by the cookstove and read it through. He said he marveled at it, for he had not believed that I was capable of writing the things that it contained. I do not remember what all I wrote, but I do praise God that the letter had the desired effect. Strange to say, though tobacco was not mentioned in the letter, yet when he had finished reading it, he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing that had almost become his constant companion, and holding it up before throwing it into the fire, said to my mother, with the tears streaming down his face, “I’ll never touch it again if it kills me.” Thank God, who had enabled him to make that determined decision. It meant much to him and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to God. I had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so enslaved him. He had even gone as long as six months without it in his earnest efforts to break loose; but, sad to say, at the end of that time he had come to the end of his strength, and, not having God to help him, he was compelled, it seemed, to fully surrender again to the enemy and thus become more deeply enslaved. Now his decision was very definite, and in response to his earnest entreaties to the Lord, the abnormal appetite was removed.

The tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he was under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his heart before the Lord. As there was soon to be a meeting, he said in his letter, “Daughter, will you please have those good brethren and sisters pray for me? The Bible tells us that ‘The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.’* (James 5:16)” Portions of his letter were read to the congregation, and earnest, fervent prayer was offered in his behalf.

At the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me home for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father. Upon our arrival we found Father anxious to know the will of God, that he might find real rest to his soul, if possible. He listened attentively to the conversation and instruction, but it seemed that he was bound. He had a desire to pray, but said it seemed that he could not do so. He also said, “The Bible tells us that we shall ‘know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren,’* (1 John 3:14) and now I must know it.” We assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge, but that it must come through faith.

After spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him, we had to let the case rest, and retired for the night heavily burdened for the deliverance of his soul. The next morning at breakfast I could see that my poor father was suffering, and his expression and pallor showed that he had spent a hard, restless night. Surely the Lord was granting the request made to me previously by letter, that he might have a deep conviction. His appetite being gone, he soon left the table.

The Surrender

Arrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to the city, a distance of fifteen miles, where they were to begin a series of meetings. He went to the barn to prepare for the trip, and while doing his chores, he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack, but his heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the blackness of despair he cried out, “O Lord! if I drop into hell the next moment, let me go. I can’t stand this any longer”; and, dropping his fork, he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help. The Friend that “sticketh closer than a brother”* (Proverbs 18:24) was right at his side. He heard that cry, for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and laughing. “You are mocking God,” was his first thought, and quite dumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as he had just been doing, but it was impossible. His heart was so light and the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate longer.

Now, strange to say, this great change was all so simple and so sudden that the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact that he had just been “born again,”* (John 3:3) had just “passed from death unto life.”* (1 John 3:14) Still wondering over his changed condition, he finished his morning chores. He led two frisky colts out to water and afterward remarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning. While they drank, he stood looking up into the heavens, then out upon the meadows and general surroundings. How beautiful everything appeared in the beginning of this new day! Suddenly there came into his heart such a love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once; but, having those colts, he had first to return to the barn. Then he came hastily to the house.

Instead of being so borne down and dejected, he came rushing through the front door laughing heartily. As he caught sight of me, the reality of the situation dawned upon him, and he rejoiced in this new-found life—real Bible salvation. He stretched out his arms to me over a rocker that stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me, “O daughter, I believe!” Before he could say anything more on account of his great rejoicing, with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one hand to Brother B. on the couch and the other to Sister B. in a rocker near the stove. Then he said, “Let us pray.” As we knelt in real thanksgiving and praise, he began to pour out his heart in gratitude to God for salvation. Indeed, he was no longer bound by Satan but was free—yes, a new creature in Christ Jesus. When we arose rejoicing, even the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of God and gathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the Lord for this great victory.

My Own Struggles and Victories

Now I wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion. All people do not receive this glorious experience in just the same way, or always manifest it as did my father. It was not my privilege at the time of my conversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed; but instead I let my faith waver, and shortly after being saved I became seriously troubled with doubts and accusations. Just after my father had been rejoicing so happily, the devil almost crushed me with the thought that perhaps, after all, I had never been saved, as I had never realized such an experience as he had realized.

Could it be possible, I thought, that even though I have been so burdened for my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that I am not saved and never have been? The very thought almost made me fainthearted. Then I remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me, and I knew that my life was completely changed, as I had really lost the desire for worldly pleasure, which I once so much enjoyed, and had become interested in the things of God. In reading my Bible, I saw that my life measured to its teachings so far as I understood. Therefore I took courage and tried to banish these accusations and leave my case with God.

But the enemy did not forget me, and it seemed that I should be drawn back into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself, more especially as I listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about salvation. It was evident that he thought everyone must obtain an experience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it. My case was so different that finally I could suppress my feelings no longer, and boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his and that if it ought to be I was not saved. Never shall I forget that moment. It meant so much to me. I wondered if he would lose confidence in my profession and if it was really true, and if it could possibly be true, that I was yet unsaved. These serious questionings were soon banished from my mind, for he looked at me and said, “Daughter, I know you are saved. Your life has proved it.” Thank God, he did not doubt it; so I took courage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight again.

This experience was good for my father, as it had a tendency to balance him so that he would not be too exacting with others. Since that time other members of our family have sought God for the pardon of their sins, and with some of them the new life came in a calm, peaceful way, rather than with such emotional manifestations. The leadings of the Lord are wonderful, and the riches of His grace in the Christian life are inexhaustible.