How Can I “Turn the Other Cheek”?
I try to be a peacemaker, but it is really hard to get along with my younger sister. For example, after filling the dog’s water dish she started spraying the hose all over. I turned off the water, and she yelled at me to turn it back on. When I refused, she hit me over the head with the hose. It really hurt! After I blew up at her, I felt bad. I know I’m supposed to “turn the other cheek” if someone hits me, but it seems totally impossible.
How can I love someone who is so provoking?
—a frustrated sister
Being hit over the head is not fun. It isn’t easy to “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:39) like Jesus taught. We naturally want to defend ourselves and hit back. But the Bible tells us that we must not live by our natural feelings or “carnal mind.” Romans 8:6 says, “to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” That makes sense. When you are reacting to your sister, all your peace and joy dies. Both of you are miserable. So how can you be “spiritually minded”? You know that “the fruit [evidence] of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering…” (Galatians 5:22) and it sounds good. But is it possible to live that way when someone is really annoying?
Yes! There are two “keys to success” that I would like to share with you.
First, let’s think about where spiritual life comes from. You see, most people are spiritually dead. Even when they try hard, they end up doing things they are ashamed of. The Bible describes it as “being dead in trespasses and sins” (Ephesians 2:1) and we all know what that is like. The only way to be made spiritually alive is through Jesus. It is called becoming “children of God” (John 1) and being “born again.” (John 3) Instead of just doing as we feel like, we receive a new life of love and obedience to God. The Bible says we receive power to overcome sin and to bear good fruit. But this is where many people get confused.
Maybe you are trying to live right and “be a good Christian.” Jesus warned us about that. He said, “as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in Me.” (John 15:4) So our first key is “the rule of life”—we can only have spiritual life if Jesus is flowing through us. You see, being a Christian is not following a bunch of rules or trying to be good all the time. We are just branches. We must stay connected to Jesus. That’s what “abide” means.
Jesus says, “without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) Do you believe that? Think about a branch that is cut off from a tree. It’s leaves might stay green for awhile, but they will wither when a dry wind blows. That is like you or me, when we try to do good on our own. At first it may seem to work, but as soon as a big trial comes all our good resolutions wither right up. We end up without love, joy, peace, or longsuffering showing in our lives. When we aren’t filled up with Jesus, we easily get frustrated and angry.
TIP: “Abiding” in Jesus means keeping filled up with His goodness. Start your day by reading a scripture or singing a praise song. Think about what God is like and what His promises are. Do you want them to be true in your life? Earnestly pray and tell Him about your problems and needs. If you realize that you can’t be a good sister without Jesus, ask Him to teach you and guide you. Choose to obey and listen as His Spirit speaks to your heart. Keep filling up with what Jesus has, and you will have good spiritual fruit to give to those around you!
That brings up the second key: “love does not react.” You may think you can’t help feeling angry or frustrated with your sister, but you can. But it starts way back with your inner thoughts and attitude. You felt frustrated with your sister wasting water because you thought she wasn’t being responsible. Because of past behavior, you probably have quite a few things that “set you off” about her. So when she does one of them, you are sure to react and try to take control of the situation. Except, that makes her react with worse behavior, because she doesn’t want to be controlled by you.
So how can you respond to your sister in the right way? By not “hitting the ball.” Just like in a game of ping-pong, each person has to hit the ball back to continue the game. Except, in a game of reacting, it only gets worse as you go. Instead of trying to be the winner (with the worst headache), humble yourself and ask God to fill your mind with His spirit of love. That’s what “turning the other cheek” really means. Love never hits back—it just rises above. You see, you will never be able to control your sister. But God has given you power to control yourself. Through Jesus, you can have a “spiritual mind” and live in peace with others.
TIP: To have a “spiritual mind,” like Jesus had, you must really trust God. Do you believe that He cares for you? Are you willing to adjust to what He says is important? When your next conflict comes up, ask God to show you how you can change. Imagine being in the other position—how would you want to be treated? Ask God to show you ways to encourage your sister, and trust Him that He is in control. He will show you the right way to be responsible, as you humble yourself to love her and not react.
Note: So what other heart-felt questions do you have? We would be happy to include this section regularly if it would be a blessing to our readers. If you write, you will get to approve the discussion before it is printed.