“…To Love Your Children”: Journal Writing

We all, as mothers, desire to have a close relationship with our children. Often that dream is hindered. There are many reasons for this, whether personal internal struggles or outward rebellion. As parents, it is hard for us to see things as they are, but God knows, and He is able to give us the wisdom that we need.

One area that has been a challenge to me is the ability to communicate with my children. As the years have gone by and they enter their adolescence, this area is particularly threatened as it is a time when one is changing so much and feelings of turmoil are often felt. I don’t know about you, but I have heard more than once, “Oh, but you don’t understand.” These are often frustrating moments for those involved. In my home, I discovered that writing is often a better way of communicating, as it gives some time for the recipient to ponder over what is trying to be said, instead of just assuming things, as so often happens when we try to communicate in person. Don’t feel discouraged if you aren’t an excellent writer. Writing is not one of my talents, but the Lord has helped me to write at the time it is needed. He can help you, too.

I can pull out of my own experience the wonderful effect that a letter can have. At one time in my early adult life I wrote to my father, as I hadn’t felt unconditionally loved and was terribly afraid to even see him. I took the time to write this down in love (as I truly loved him and couldn’t face the rejection that I “felt” so keenly) and sent the letter to him. No sooner had he read my letter and understood its meaning than he called me up and apologized for the pain he had caused and said that he would not continue in the manner that he had done. Oh, how this response touched my heart and I was again free in my soul!

None of us are perfect, and we need encouragement to press on to the “mark of our high calling.” As parents, we should encourage our children in love. We have need to rebuke and correct, but we need the Lord’s help to see and endorse their good qualities and/or spiritual growth. There is always something that is good in everyone, and God can show us if we’ll let Him.

With all this in mind, I found that perhaps our family could take on the habit of writing to one another. I purchased a journal for each of the children, with hope that it would be used to communicate with each one on a regular basis. The older girls also purchased some journals and began writing letters of encouragement to each other. Things did not go as smoothly as I would have liked, as habits and trust do not grow over night. It was not easy to take the time to write, and it was particularly hard when there was no response on the other side. Nevertheless, I found the journals a very helpful way of being able to express my appreciation and love to each child, as so often they only hear the correction and are oblivious to words of encouragement. I wrote quite frequently at first, as it was greatly needed at the time. As time has gone by, I write when I know it is needed, and the Lord helps me out to do so. In time, the girls’ relationships were growing stronger, and my relationship with them was growing as well. If we look at things day by day, we can become discouraged—we need to look at the overall effect, realizing that there will be times when it seems things are regressing. That is the reality of life in general, is it not? Yet, we can trust that God is working out His purposes in us.

It has been nearly two years since we starting writing in these journals. I am so thankful for the Lord helping me to take time in this way to express my love to each of my children. I have only one son, and my entries in his journal have been few, and it may be that one book will suffice until he leaves home. He hadn’t been interested in such an endeavor, but I did want to do my part anyway. One time I realized that it had been some time since I had written to him. When I had finally gotten around to writing in his book, I had discovered to my horror that it had been nearly a year since my last entry. I wrote an apology for my neglect and then continued to write. My last writing was just recently, and to my absolute shock and wonderful surprise as I was putting the book away I noticed some writing. He had never responded before, and here is what he wrote: “Thank you, Mom, for the letter. With lots of love, ——” This is one who feels that the fewer words used in communicating, the better! Like you may suppose, I was thrilled to have received such a precious response.

By no means is this the only way that I show my love to my children. It is in my actions and words of each day that I trust God to help me to be a beacon of God’s love in our home, but I do believe that the written word is something that one can go back to and reflect on. During these two years we all have grown a great deal as we have had many trials, but with each trial God has given us the victory. Praise His name for His faithfulness to us!

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers…. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”* (Ephesians 4:29,32)

“Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savour.”* (Ephesians 5:1-2)