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Foundation Truth, Number 7 (Autumn 2002) | Timeless Truths Publications

A woman had just shared a little of her background about her childhood and early marriage. She said, “I had no clue as to how a marriage should work.” She said it several times—

“I Had No Clue”

She was reared by a single mother—no father figure was in the picture. Her up-bringing had been “pretty miserable” according to her.

This situation is multiplied over and over in our land today. In a certain community it has been reported that single mothers form 70% of the population! When the devil succeeds in breaking down homes, the very foundations and walls of protection are removed in their lives, and even more so in the lives of their children. Just like this lady, they have no clue as to how a marriage is to work and be happy.

In the Old Testament the wall of Jerusalem was broken down by enemies. “The gates were burned with fire.”* (Nehemiah 1:3) A great many of the children of Israel were to blame for the breaking down. Let’s read the confession: “Let thine ear now be attentive, and thine eyes open, that thou mayest hear the prayer of thy servant, which I pray before thee now, day and night, for the children of Israel thy servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel which we have sinned against thee: both I and my father’s house have sinned. We have dealt very corruptly against thee, and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the judgments, which thou commandedst thy servant Moses.”* (Nehemiah 1:6-7)

Nehemiah was caught in this situation. His fathers had sinned. He wept and mourned and fasted and prayed. He had a burden to build again that which was broken down. God heard his cry and did make a way for the rebuilding. It looked like an impossible job. They met with many discouraging circumstances. There were enemies to fight. But they persevered and it was accomplished. It is a wonderful, encouraging story. Read the story from the Bible and see for yourself. God worked on the King of Persia to actually let Nehemiah who was his cup bearer go back, and to direct in rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem! And, the King also sent funds for the rebuilding! This was an incredible thing.

If you, dear reader, are one of those who “have no clue,” and the walls of protection didn’t exist to protect you, there is hope. Take courage. Like Nehemiah, repent from the bottom of your heart. God will hear your cry and will help you. God is ready to rebuild in your life.

The woman that once had no clue further stated that she had later found out God’s plan and order for marriage. Her happy countenance revealed the truth she spoke. She had found the wisdom that God has set up for a man and a woman in their distinct differences to live together in peace and harmony.

Are you going to continue drifting down the broken down path or do you want to break the cycle and rebuild the walls of protection for your children and grandchildren? You will be so much happier if you take God’s plan of wisdom.

I come to you, not as any one superior, but rather just a mere fellow human being who was once full of her own ideas, wants, and ways. As a young teenager the Lord dealt with my heart. There were times that I had told lies to teachers or my parents. There were times in my selfish nature that I fussed with my sister. There were times I took things that were not mine…. These sins hung over me and I knew I was not ready to meet God, and that I would be lost if I were called into eternity. But the Lord heard my prayer for forgiveness and gave me peace that I was ready to meet Him. It is only by God’s grace that I am able to obey His word and that I have any thing good to offer you today.

Is the Lord dealing with your heart? I know He loves you. He died for you! He wants to help you. He wants to save you. He wants to change your heart. This is the first step to a happier marriage. This will get you into a place where you can learn how to be a true Christian wife and mother. It is only by being changed by the power of God that women can be like the women in the Bible. It speaks of them being holy women. Holy means Godly. We should ask ourselves, “Am I living as God requires in His word?” What then does God require? What is God’s plan? We pray and trust you are willing to take God’s plan.

We find God’s inspiration of a wife for Adam in Genesis 2:18: “And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”* (Genesis 2:18) So we see here that God’s plan for wives was to be a helper. Not a ruler, or one to make all the plans, but a helper to assist him in his plans for the family. The word “meet” means: admiringly suited, proper, appropriate, apt, fitting.

God could have created a woman the same hour He created a man. We see here God’s ways are so infinitely planned. One reason perhaps is that God wanted Adam to feel his need. He could always remember the time he felt so alone. Adam could more fully appreciate what God was about to give him. Secondly, we find that God didn’t just start from scratch again, but opened Adam’s side and took a rib bone to make a woman. The ways of God hold so much significance. Have you ever thought about why God took a rib bone instead of maybe a bone from his foot or head? The woman was to neither be the “head” making all the decisions and rules nor to be “trampled under foot” by the man. But she was created to walk by his side from whence she was taken, to be loved and cherished and be a real “help meet” to him through life.

In any business or group of people there must be a leader to keep things in order. It doesn’t work to have two or more leaders. That would be chaos! The same is true in the home. We find in God’s word that He has set the first of His creation, the man, as the head or leader of the home. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.”* (Ephesians 5:23) The final decisions rest upon the husband’s shoulders. The husband is required to consider his wife, her input, thoughts and needs as we find in I Peter 3:7: “Ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”* (1 Peter 3:7)

You may say, “My husband doesn’t make wise decisions.” Even so, he is still the head and responsible to God for the decisions he makes. If you are to obey God, if you are to be an example to your children, if you are to rebuild the broken wall, if you are to have a happy home, you need to be quiet and pray for him. Resist that temptation to take a hold of the reins and make all those decisions. We women are to submit to our husbands. The Lord has recorded several passages for our profit. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”* (Ephesians 5:22) “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”* (Colossians 3:18) “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [conduct] of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”* (1 Peter 3:1-2)

You may say, “He is so slow in making up his mind, I feel compelled to make the decisions myself.” Or, “I do not agree with his final decision.” Or, “He seems to jump too hastily in matters.” Or, “His decisions really scare me!” Through all these feelings, firmly resist the temptation to assert yourself. If he asks your advice and help, that is fine; but don’t take the leadership over! You will be robbing your husband of his God-given manhood and the leadership position in which God placed him if you do. We find a godly example in I Peter 3:5-6: “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands; Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”* (1 Peter 3:5-6) You can search it out in the Old Testament and find that Abraham, Sara’s husband, did some very unwise things. He was human and had some fears that led him into problems. But, we find that Sara obeyed him and was in subjection to him. However, we can be sure she was praying, because God had mercy and helped her out of very bad situations more than once. If a husband does make a mistake, it is only going to make it worse for the wife to get in there and try controlling things. Submit yourself to God who is able to control all things and make it all come out right. The scripture said, “Sara was not afraid with any amazement.” There are a lot of “fear nots” in the Bible. Trust in God, He will be your helper.

Following God’s plan is a very beautiful picture indeed. Did you really notice what the scripture said? The holy women of old adorned themselves with a meek and quiet spirit, being in subjection! Have you ever thought about how beautiful subjection is? A young, unmarried man once heard a wife say she wouldn’t do such and such because her husband didn’t want her to. The young man commented, “Oh, to have a wife like that!” Was this not a most becoming adornment?!

Remember, your marriage is in your hands. Wives have a huge impact. If you are having trouble in your marriage, in most cases, by God’s grace, you can change it around by changing your attitude and manner of conduct. God set up a perfect plan. Will you follow it? It is in your hands whether you help build the walls of protection for your marriage, home and children and the generations following.