Courtship and Marriage

We realize something of the delicacy of our subject. There is nothing relating to the earthly life of man of greater importance. The first act of God after creating man and putting him in the garden was to make a life companion for him. The Creator had put in the constitution of man a desire for companionship. When woman was created, the Lord brought her and presented her to the man. This was the first marriage. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.”* (Genesis 2:23) This is marriage. There is no closer contact among mankind. This stands as the highest and most perfect analogy of Christ and the Church. In the spiritual life, Christ is the Bridegroom and the Church is the Bride. They are one. The Church is a member of His flesh and of His bones. The union of man and woman in marriage is the most perfect illustration of this union that nature affords. Marriage is pure, honorable, and heaven-ordained. God ordained the union of man and woman in accordance with their constitutional demands.

That which is the purest, when corrupted becomes the most corrupt. That which is the highest can fall the farthest. All that is pure in the life of man has been corrupted and perverted by sin.

That man and woman might live together agreeable and happy, God put in their nature a quality called, in our English language, love. Now man in his entire nature has more than one love or one kind of love. Man has at least four loves. These are different in their nature. A man loves his wife or a young man loves his maiden. This is love of the sexes. The Greek has a special word for this kind of love. A mother loves her child. This is different love to that of man for his wife. We in our English language use the same word, but the Greek does not. Then there is the love of society. This love has a nature of its own. And man is to love his enemies. This again is different from any other sort of love in the nature of man. When a Greek speaks of a man loving his friend, he uses a different word than that which he uses when speaking of a man loving his enemies. This same is true when speaking of a young man loving his sister and a young man loving his maiden.

We are now to talk about the love of the sexes. This, as given of God, is pure. But this, like other God-given passions, can be corrupted, and perhaps no pure virtue ever given to man has been so shamefully corrupted as this love of man and woman. This love of the sexes corrupted has occasioned more crime than perhaps any other perverted quality in the nature of man. It oftentimes overpowers all other love. Just a few days ago in a nearby town a young mother killed her own child through the influence of this abused love of the sexes. This love corrupted has led multiplied thousands into marriage. Wrecked and ruined lives occasioned by this perverted love are all around us. It is not love, but lust. Thousands have been led into the married life through lust instead of love. Dear young saints, beware. You need to live very close to God and keep your affections pure. An amorous feeling may be very deceptive. It may become a clever counterfeit of love.

A young man asks, “Does God have a part in the matter of marriage? Will He select a companion for me?” Just as truly as He made Eve for Adam, or selected a wife for Isaac. Young saints, wait on God. That mad thing called lust—and that is its name—has rushed many a one ahead of God. God will get a companion for you if you will but await His time. When two are in what they call love, it is difficult for them to wait. School boys and girls are getting married. How many times did you ever know such to result in the greatest happiness and usefulness to such young people? Not once in ten. This should be a warning to you. When two are in love, it is difficult to determine the will of God. There needs be a perfect yielding to the will of God. It is one of the most difficult periods in the life of man for him to yield his will to God. Many have thought they had, but were mistaken. A young man says, “I thought I had my will entirely surrendered to God, but when I prayed and my lips said, ‘Lord Thy will be done,’ my heart said, ‘But give me Betty.’ ” Watch your heart, young Christian. Do not give too much heed to what the lips say. Listen to the heartbeats. Does it beat in perfect unison with the will of God?

God wants you to be guided, not by your feelings, but by His providences, by the counsels of true friends, and by the good, sound mind He is willing to give you. Do not think, young man, because you have a peculiar feeling and a fluttering of the heart when you come into the presence of a young woman that God wills you to marry her. How very much you need to be guarded. A young lady can be so possessed with an amorous feeling or sexual fondness that she will cause you to have a peculiar feeling when you come into her presence. There will be a drawing power. Down in your heart of hearts you feel a drawing back, but there is a power that draws you on. Awful danger here. Many have been overcome by this drawing power to their ruin. Many a young man has been overcome by that strong feeling of sexual fondness gushing out of the life of a woman to him. It strikes like a dart to his heart. Her words, her eyes, her caresses are filled with an alluring power. Young man, “Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”* (Proverbs 7:25-27) And many more young women have been led away by designing men. The innocent, also, have mistaken a sexual fondness for true love and have become sadly mis-mated.

The question is often asked, “At what age should young people marry?” We would answer, “Whenever God wills and no earlier.” We cannot set an age for all. Some arrive at a proper age earlier than others. A few never arrive at the proper age.

We have now a letter before us from a precious, young brother which reads, “Now concerning the matter of which I wrote you, I will say that I have simply placed it in His hands and He will take care of it perfectly. I am waiting on Him.” How sensible. If you wait on God, you will not marry too early. Young school boys and girls sometimes—perhaps we had better say, often times—get a fondness for each other and think they should marry. Instead of entering into a courtship, they better keep out of each other’s company as much as possible, until they find out if that attachment was occasioned by pure love or was a silly sexual fondness. We do not mean that sexual fondness is silly. That of itself is pure, but it makes some young people silly, and some older ones too, for that matter.

Boys and girls arrive at an age when they develop a fondness for each other. Not only is this not the age for marriage, but neither is it the age for courtship. For a young fourteen-year-old boy and a thirteen-year-old girl to enter into a courtship because they have a fondness for each other is very unwise. Many a life has been ruined because of giving place to this fondness. If they will keep out of company of each other for a short time, that thing they thought was love will pass away like a morning vapor.

Our young people need the prayers of older Christians. They need sensible Christian counsel. They need firm, loving, parental authority. And they need, most of all, a heart consecrated to the will of God.