Family Life
When I consider what this great salvation has done for me with respect to my duties as a husband and head of my family, I find with delight that the words of Brother Peter sit easily and comfortably on my soul, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) These words mean a great deal to me—they are the outline and blueprint of how this area of life is to be conducted to please Him.
How thankful I am to be able to testify:
1) It is in my heart to dwell with her—and to dwell with her according to knowledge. I took the most solemn and binding vows before those who knew me best to do so to my utmost for the rest of our lives.
2) I accept the responsibility to honor her as unto the weaker vessel. I do not understand this to refer particularly to physical strength or emotional strength. Although in general, men tend to be stronger in certain pressures and tests than women in general, there are definite exceptions (including health, etc.), and women are stronger in certain kinds of stresses and labors than men, generally speaking again. This weakness, and the honor required here, I understand to be a weakness of place and authority in the home. A husband should honor the choice of his wife to be in second place in the home.
Now this authority in the government structure of the home is spoken of in several places in the New Testament.
“Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.” (1 Timothy 2:11-15) If only the first two verses were given to us, we might conclude that all women were to be subject to all men, but the remaining portion makes it clear that Paul is talking about the husband/wife relation. Note: Adam and Eve, a married couple. Note: “childbearing,” “if they,” the ones involved in childbearing, the father and the mother, the married couple.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (Ephesians 5:22-24) I note here that wives are to submit themselves unto their own husbands. It would not be right for other men’s wives to submit to me as my wife does, nor would it be right for her to submit to other men as she does to me. Nor could the government of our family (or of any other man’s family) endure, if such criss-crossing of subjection were attempted. And this subjection, as far as family matters pertaining to the government of the home, is to be absolute. “So let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
In all matters of government, it is necessary that someone have the authority to have the last word. Otherwise, matters can become gridlocked and it is not possible to govern. Beyond any question, the Word of God sets the husband of a family in this place. When practiced with pure hearts on the part of husband and wife, it presents a beautiful picture. Wife voluntarily submits, accepting husband as her head, trusting God with his faults and mistakes, etc. “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” (1 Peter 3:6) I am sure that Sara would have been afraid and aghast, enough to take the reins in her hands a number of times during her life together with Abraham, if she had not deepened down in God and consecrated her husband and his actions to the Lord again and again. And this great salvation from God above gives wives the same grace today with their husbands. And it gives their husbands grace to recognize that they are not somehow innately superior to their wives. They deepen down in God to “dwell with them according to knowledge” (a lifetime of education, it seems); to bear this responsibility humbly for others as Jesus would have it borne; to learn from those mistakes, etc.
I am reminded here of a married couple who were not getting along very well. The husband was not providing for his wife very well, and she resented that and contended with him about it. She called their pastor for prayer that her husband might do better. He listened to her for a short time and then stopped her and asked, “Sister E——, have you been arguing with your husband?” She admitted that she had. It caused her to see herself, and she humbled down and began to seek God for the grace to bear with life’s problems by staying in her place in the family.
But then, the question naturally arises: What is the limit of family authority? And here, again, thank the dear Lord, we do not need to speculate. “As being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” When it comes to the things that hinder prayer (such as our relationship with God individually), husband and wife are “heirs together of the grace of life.” God does not save the wife through the husband any more than He saves the husband through the wife. Each, as a free-will moral being, makes the choice to get saved and live for God or not. Husband might say, “I choose to live for the world and self, and I want my family to do so as well. Therefore, Wife, I require you not to live for God.” God will not respect his family authority in this matter because it is not a family matter. She has a right to the atonement, bought and paid for by Jesus for all. “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” (1 Timothy 2:5) This promise and relationship is hers to have. “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me…. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit.” (John 15:4-5) Notice that “men,” “he,” “him,” all refer to the entire human race, including both genders, such as the expression, “mankind.”
Salvation, then, puts men and women, including a husband and his wife, on equal footing before God in matters pertaining to spiritual things. “For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. And if ye be Christ’s, then are ye Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” (Galations 3:27-29)
The question naturally arises: What if there is a conflict between the natural (family) relationship and the spiritual relationship to God? “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26) Our relationship to God is more important than anything else.
But where a wife’s duty to her husband does not conflict with her higher duty to God, she must obey her husband.
The wife’s submission to the husband is paralleled in the Bible requirement for all Christians to submit themselves to the secular government. “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.” (1 Peter 2:13-14)
But where there is a conflict between the laws of God and the laws of men, the requirements of the Lord take priority. “And they called them, and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.” (Acts 4:18-20) But if the laws of men do not contradict the Laws of God, Christians are required to obey them.
Children are required to obey their parents. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this right.” (Ephesians 6:1) But if the requirements are not “in the Lord,” that is, they cross His Word and to mind his/her parents would cause the child to disobey God, then the Law of God supersedes parental law. But if there is not conflict between God’s requirements and the parents’ requirements, the child must obey the parents, and this is “in the Lord.”
It should be evident from these scriptures that spiritual duties and the individual’s relationship to God are more important and take priority over all other requirements.