Unconquered Will Won by Love

“Some feet there be which walk life’s track unwounded,
Which find but pleasant ways;
Some hearts there be to which this life is only
A round of happy days.

“But these are few. Far more there are who wander
Without a hope or friends;
Who find their journey full of pains and losses,
And long to reach the end.”

Yet if, like Elisha’s servant, we could open our blind spiritual eyes, how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for a submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon substantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the wounds and thorns and crosses. If I had but the power to tell of some such experiences of my own, I feel it might encourage some other soul to surrender fully to God a life that otherwise has been a failure. There is no doubt that God has ministering servants ever ready to wait on the soul that surrenders to His will. The difficulty is always the unsurrendered will.

When I was about fourteen years old, an evangelist came to our town to preach a full salvation, one that saves from sin and sanctifies the soul. The Holy Spirit was working in many hearts. One evening as I was riding home facing the west at sunset, I beheld, in the shifting of the clouds, a huge black cross. It stood there between me and the sun. I thought of Jesus dying on the cross, and that seemed very fitting, though of course very sad. As this cross remained there, it impressed me more solemnly, until I began to realize that there might be a cross for me also. But I said, “Life is what we make it. I do not want crosses; I choose other things.” At last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped the cross, and in my heart I knew that without the cross there would be no crown. The difficulty had arisen between me and God. His ministering servants were ready to spare me the “pains and losses,” but my will was not surrendered. I would not bear the cross.

Another warning came to me a few nights later, when I was invited to the home of a friend to attend a dance. I thought of the meeting and its solemn significance, and felt uneasy about going. I wanted to please Jesus, who had borne the cross for me, but I justified myself in going because the crowd was select. I went to my room thus battling with my conscience. I knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably to be the presence of someone in my room. I looked up, and it seemed that I could see the smiling face of Jesus. Sweetness filled my soul, and the room was full of joy. All earthly pleasures faded away. I had no desire for anything now but this captivating Jesus. My heart was enraptured. Christ, I realized then, was sufficient.

This, you see, was given that I might understand how Christ might make all crosses easy to bear. To be sure, this impression sank deep, and I have never forgotten it, but my will was yet unsurrendered and unconquered. I would not come when called in sweetest tones. In a “journey full of pains and losses,” “without hope or friends,” I walked life’s track. God did not have His way, but I had mine. Often, so often in the years that followed I remembered the last night of the revival that had brought to my mind such serious thoughts. At the close of the last sermon a gospel worker came directly to me. I was confused. I had not decided what to do. I did not want to cast my lot with these people; I wanted to join a more fashionable church.

As she approached me, I whispered to her, “I am going to join the other church.”

She said, “Be sure your heart is right.” But I was not sure.

Perhaps if I had had more teaching about surrendering my will to God, I would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that laid hold upon me from that time. I was powerless in the hands of these unseen foes. Everything went against me. My life was ruined. There was no hope. Despair was my companion for years. Sickness and disease possessed my body, and sin became my hated master.

“Could we but draw back the curtains
That surround each other’s lives,
See the naked heart and spirit—
Ah, if we only could!

“If we knew—alas! and do we
Ever care to know
Whether bitter herbs or roses
In our neighbor’s garden grow?”

I attended many churches, heard many noted preachers, my soul suffering the while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life, but without a ray of light. After years of suffering I finally discerned that what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to God. This I did with all my heart, hesitating no longer to bear any cross He saw fit to send. I made a full surrender, and God gave me salvation. At this time I had great need of spiritual advice; for I was so ignorant of the laws of salvation that I did not know that when God had taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart feel so new and light and happy, He had made me His child. I knew about as much concerning spiritual things as a heathen.

At last, a very dear, good woman became a mother to me. She was the first person who ever asked me about my soul. She taught me to talk about spiritual things and to understand them. She taught me the lessons of truth from God’s own Word. She showed me by God’s Word how I might live entirely free from the blight of sin, how I might dress and eat and live to His glory. It was all very new, but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food I had ever tasted. She taught me that by His Word and promises He was able and willing to heal my mortal body. Physicians said my case was hopeless and that I could live but a short time. I did not care to live until God showed me I might live for others. Then I was ready to bear my cross and God was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the “pains and losses” that brought grief and misery to my life.

Blessings now fell upon my pathway. When fever fastened itself upon me and my body was being rapidly consumed by its fires, God instantly raised me up. He caused me to “forget the things of the past and press on.”

“While thou wouldst only weep and bow,
He saith, ‘Arise and shine!’ ”

He has given me a life victorious. He gave me a companion and little children; and over every adversity, sickness, and misunderstanding He makes me victor. When my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind, the Lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an instant. Time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of this blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to God. Ah, that He might have fulfilled His purpose in the beginning! It was not His will that I should suffer.

“Can we think that it pleases His loving heart
To cause us a moment’s pain?
Ah, no! but He saw through the present cross
The bliss of eternal gain.”